it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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