Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
