Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
