that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
