Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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