your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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