she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
