How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
