i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
