I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
