Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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