I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
