Well douche your snatch and let's go!
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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