Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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