I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
