who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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