I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
