I heard we made out
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
