I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
