i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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