I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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