it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
