Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
