I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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