We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
How external is "for external use only"?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
