Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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