like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
