had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
