Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
