I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
