maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
