There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
