while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
