You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
