this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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