Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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