when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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