you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
