why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
