I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
