i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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