my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
