Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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