Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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