i'm signing you up for texting rehab
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
