I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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