I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
