it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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