So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
