Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
