Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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